The Royal Tea - Chodesh Tov Sivan

What a wonderful experience to explore the month of Sivan with you. The third month of the Jewish spiritual calendar kicks off with the holiday of Shavuot and embraces parashiyyot: Naso, Behaalotecha, and Shlach. This is the month we learn that in order for us to achieve the purpose for which Hashem has made visual in our lives, we need to be disciplined enough to maintain and uphold the power of abstinence.

Shavuot provides the foundation on how to abstain from sin and immoral practices:

Physically - Naso; Socially - Behaalotecha; Ritually - Shlach, just to name a few…

We have two sayings in our home, “everything is not for everyone,” and “you will say no to more things then you will say 'yes.'” What these two sayings means is that there are going to be things in life that you are going to want to partake in yet, if you recognize that ultimately if falls out of alignment with Hashem, you should 10 out of 10 times reject it. Period.

Yet, rejection is hard.

And oftentimes it’s more about not wanting to say “no” than unwillingly saying “yes.”

However, what makes it hard?

Is it only hard to say no when you find there will be some mutual benefit? Because we find it real easy to decline something when it is clear we won’t get anything in return. Now, is it soo hard when you’ve identified that you can actually receive something in return for “giving in?” When very little input appears to have a greater output? When you can now manipulate the receiver…?

No.

The word “no” in our home is actually banned (although my husband is a repeat offender). Why? Because more often than not the request is within the framework of our vision as parents and spouses. Oftentimes what seems like an egregious request simply is just in need of some coaching, redirecting, or elaboration. Does it take a bit more time than we would like to provide, yes. Is it most times annoying, ABSOLUTELY! Will you need to redirect the request back to best practices, core principles, and standards of Black Excellence, ah yeah… Then why just flat out say “no?” Ah, because 1) “ain’t nobody got time for that” and 2) subconsciously we think that there is zero to little benefit in it for us.

The giving of the Torah tells us otherwise…

Yes, we received the 10 Commandments at Mt. Sinai and the “rules” are very precise and very direct. Yet Hashem knew we would need more. Why? Because the ability to abstain requires “buy-in” and that buy-in is gratitude. We abstain from committing adultery to give gratitude to Hashem for reuniting us with our soulmate. We abstain from lying to give gratitude to Hashem for a placing us in a trusting community. We abstain from working on Shabbat to give gratitude to Hashem for giving us talents and abilities to be useful.

That “buy-in” is detailed in every line of Torah: both written and oral—for us to be sure, that we are sure, that we’re sure.! We now understand why many other nations rejected the Torah before it was presented to us. Hashem understood we would be discipled enough to refrain from manipulating it.

It is well known that in the African American community previous generations would refrain from, let’s call it “elaborating”...lol. If an elder told you to do something, you better do it: whether you liked it or not, whether you understood it or not, whether you wanted to or not. And now that same generation says “these children ain’t what they used to be.” Well that is because there was zero “buy-in.” There were very little stories told about negative consequences that resulted from unaligned actions, there were very little explanations given when you look bewildered too afraid to ask, there were very little safe spaces to be curious about why your family has certain customs or standards.

Hashem, The parent to B’nai Israel knew that in order for the rules to be honored, abstaining from most things would also need to be honored. And in order for there to be abstinence there has to be an accessible, ongoing open dialogue grounded in gratitude a.k.a Torah.

Chodesh Tov.